Walk in New York

I decided to treat Drain and myself to a week in Manhattan. It was really a treat for her as she attempted to double the city's GDP overnight because I don't see the attraction of a dirty, crowded, aggressive beggar-on-every-corner infested metropolis. Taxis available at any hour of the day (unless it's pissing down) is handy, and a lot of places are open at stupid hours, so if that's your thing you've arrived. I did get to start my experiment in force feeding Drain sushi like a goose at a foie gras factory, so the relative inexpense of doing so might yet pay off (See "Japanese Restaurants"). Remember to bring a wad of dollar bills. This isn't for a cheap night at the local strip clubs, which there were aplenty (apparently), but for every lazy sod whose basic salary is supplemented by the paying public. I guess this still covers strippers.

Be careful of taxi drivers always looking to make an extra buck. I had one Jew - for the purpose of satisfying the race relations act, he could have been any nationality or religion (except American for some reason), but just happened to be Jewish judging by his name and appearance - try to rip me off. The audacity! First attempt: switch off the machine and lie about the amount. Failed because I saw the amount before he did that. Second attempt: Tries the quick change scam (something like I give him 10, he gives me 5 change if I give him 3). Done quickly, the uninitiated would assume he/she has paid 7 when in fact they've paid 8. Failed because I passed GCSE maths. There was no third attempt, but all this narked me because I had already included a tip. Greedy git.

That was child's play compared to a previous incident on a different occasion in New York. The driver was driving quite normally (i.e. like a maniac). Well, he just skipped a whole line of cars up a slip road by mounting the pavement. It was quite good for time saving until it was apparent he had just cut up and subsequently pissed off an Italian-American in a giant SUV. I guessed his heritage, but he looked and behaved like Jimmy Goodfella. First he started a drive by spit which was a bit off target. I wound the rear passenger windows up. Pesci did not reckon on our Indian driver's ability at such a practice and landed one on our Italian friend quite wonderfully. Somehow he managed to propel a globule of self-made saliva across the empty front passenger seat, up a 1 in 4 gradient to Pesci's person. Obviously this didn't have the effect of defusing the situation. Don't think anyone would be too happy being sprayed by sub-continent flem. So eventually Pesci entraps our vehicle with police like manoeuvres, gets out of his car. Meanwhile, Shortround is on the phone to the cops after bolting the doors. Rocky Balboa comes round to the driver's side and whacks his window with his fist. Then proceeds to kick it repeatedly. The window was holding up remarkably well for such punishment. Must be special issue for yellow cabs. Fellow road users half heartedly objected to this guy's behaviour, and well, it kind of fizzled out after a bit. Next time we'll walk...